Crosswalks — When did ROADS, BY-WAYS and THOROUGHFARES become a non-people-moving morass of Whole Foods shoppers, post-gym lallygagging sweat bodies, and that invisible pedestrian every one slows down for because — there’s a crosswalk. Someone has to be walking, correct? For the entire road to shut down like a dying smart phone, its battery life […]Read More Things That Are Tightening My Jaw
From the vault (July 8, 2000) I don’t like riding on the passenger side …in fact it was only yesterday when i yelled, BUYING A NEW PAIR OF SHOES CURES EVERYTHING THAT AILS YA… AND STOLY’S WORKS IN A PINCH AS WELL.. though because electricity *is* my bio-functional sombrero, you’ll find my lady Macbeth there, […]Read More The Passenger Side
REFURBISHING MY MIND The Walking Catastrophe…isn’t really a podcast — though I’m not even sure what constitutes a podcast and frankly, I don’t cast any aspersions when sheep die in my sleep either — but it’s more of an extra-crispy swan dive when things behind the wheel grow much bigger than things usually do […]Read More My Podcast
THE JOBS I REMEMBER: BRIAN J. SCHAEFER (THROUGH 47 YEARS, 8 MONTHS AND CHANGE) CLICK for CLASSIFIED MATERIAL – NO RECRUITERS OR LAW ENFORCEMENT SO IT’S BEEN six months since leaving the Associated Press and for the first time in a while — despite my ultimate goal of being an independent professional a year […]Read More CONFIDENTIAL: “The Jobs I Remember” (Or: My Real Resume)
Minus the dashes. I read two answers that rhymed with”Google co-founder” and who-the-hell-cares. Sorry, kids. My distrust of you and your lack of anything interesting going on upstairs has become a full-blown phobia. So I wrote this. Because it works. And it’s never a situation you expect to be in. But one day you just might […]Read More Quora (or: Why I Need to Pull the Plug on “Life Hacks,” relationship advice to those without girlfriends, and explaining why Raskilnikov was a Hero)
OK. It’s 1998. I had just moved to LA. My brother is living in a room no bigger than a jail cell for two. In the span of a month I had lost all faith in everything I was doing but the hell if I was going to leave and not watch it all crash like […]Read More The Time I Saw A Ghost
Because I can change it, no problem. Godaddy is just teeming with crackerjack web development and slideshow programming. Just a snip there. A tuck there. Some superglue here. And hey, hey…Let’s announce something… ON JANUARY 1st, 2017, THE WORLD WILL NOT KNOW WHAT HAS HIT THEM AND WHEN I SAY “HIT THEM” I MEAN “HIT […]Read More Do I Look Like I’m (still) in Jail?