My voice — once a proud and lyrical voice — is in peril because I don’t feed it anymore. It’s starving. And sorry, screenwriters….Screenplays don’t qualify as literature. Or even writing for that matter. More like emotional erector set throwaways with disbelief as a harbinger for all the holes unfilled and each of the readers […]Read More Even a Coin Toss Has Its Critics
to: madam _______ from: brian john schaefer so you’re out there in venice, my girlfriend’s asleep, and i’m never west of sepulveda (although that ain’t true) and i started thinking: “how the hell is she going to find me if i’m not even acting lost?”) perhaps, there is a point? “indeed…” sadly, quite the opposite… […]Read More an unsent letter to a gallery i imagined as a mistress
What am I trying to say? WordPress. You’re a *fuckbuddy* for sure. What is it about you the that prevents me from feeling any guilt whatsoever about how long it’s been since I last purloined your inability to say “no”? I never arrive here and think, “My goodness, I need to post more. My two […]Read More Cross-cunnilingual Subjucation (or: I’m so thankful we didn’t make it as planned)
From the vault (July 8, 2000) I don’t like riding on the passenger side …in fact it was only yesterday when i yelled, BUYING A NEW PAIR OF SHOES CURES EVERYTHING THAT AILS YA… AND STOLY’S WORKS IN A PINCH AS WELL.. though because electricity *is* my bio-functional sombrero, you’ll find my lady Macbeth there, […]Read More The Passenger Side
REFURBISHING MY MIND The Walking Catastrophe…isn’t really a podcast — though I’m not even sure what constitutes a podcast and frankly, I don’t cast any aspersions when sheep die in my sleep either — but it’s more of an extra-crispy swan dive when things behind the wheel grow much bigger than things usually do […]Read More My Podcast
THE JOBS I REMEMBER: BRIAN J. SCHAEFER (THROUGH 47 YEARS, 8 MONTHS AND CHANGE) CLICK for CLASSIFIED MATERIAL – NO RECRUITERS OR LAW ENFORCEMENT SO IT’S BEEN six months since leaving the Associated Press and for the first time in a while — despite my ultimate goal of being an independent professional a year […]Read More CONFIDENTIAL: “The Jobs I Remember” (Or: My Real Resume)
OK. It’s 1998. I had just moved to LA. My brother is living in a room no bigger than a jail cell for two. In the span of a month I had lost all faith in everything I was doing but the hell if I was going to leave and not watch it all crash like […]Read More The Time I Saw A Ghost
Because I can change it, no problem. Godaddy is just teeming with crackerjack web development and slideshow programming. Just a snip there. A tuck there. Some superglue here. And hey, hey…Let’s announce something… ON JANUARY 1st, 2017, THE WORLD WILL NOT KNOW WHAT HAS HIT THEM AND WHEN I SAY “HIT THEM” I MEAN “HIT […]Read More Do I Look Like I’m (still) in Jail?