From the very bottom of your loathsome megalomania to the very top of my spun-shot alphabet and holy rolling grace... I throw y'all some stupid greetings from LIPSTICK CITY and all points in between Cause even the dead wanna be counted (on) once in a while. Life isn't tragic -- lives are tragic -- thank… Continue reading HELL, IF YOU LIVED THERE YOU’D BE HOME BY NOW
THE JOBS I REMEMBER: BRIAN J. SCHAEFER (THROUGH 47 YEARS, 8 MONTHS AND CHANGE) CLICK for CLASSIFIED MATERIAL - NO RECRUITERS OR LAW ENFORCEMENT SO IT'S BEEN six months since leaving the Associated Press and for the first time in a while -- despite my ultimate goal of being an independent professional a year… Continue reading CONFIDENTIAL: “The Jobs I Remember” (Or: My Real Resume)
Minus the dashes. I read two answers that rhymed with"Google co-founder" and who-the-hell-cares. Sorry, kids. My distrust of you and your lack of anything interesting going on upstairs has become a full-blown phobia. So I wrote this. Because it works. And it's never a situation you expect to be in. But one day you just might… Continue reading Quora (or: Why I Need to Pull the Plug on “Life Hacks,” relationship advice to those without girlfriends, and explaining why Raskilnikov was a Hero)
OK. It’s 1998. I had just moved to LA. My brother is living in a room no bigger than a jail cell for two. In the span of a month I had lost all faith in everything I was doing but the hell if I was going to leave and not watch it all crash like… Continue reading The Time I Saw A Ghost
Because I can change it, no problem. Godaddy is just teeming with crackerjack web development and slideshow programming. Just a snip there. A tuck there. Some superglue here. And hey, hey...Let's announce something... ON JANUARY 1st, 2017, THE WORLD WILL NOT KNOW WHAT HAS HIT THEM AND WHEN I SAY "HIT THEM" I MEAN "HIT… Continue reading Do I Look Like I’m (still) in Jail?
Because you don't just choose to become a writer. It's not an open job fair on your college quad. It certainly isn't the Top-10 list-making genre used by respected and no-longer-respected media outlets alike. And it sure as hell isn't because Auntie Yum Yum thought you wrote the prettiest, most emotionally scarred adolescent vampiric prose she had… Continue reading Writing and Why You Shouldn’t Bother
post-apocalyptic-optimists: the manifesto "I assure you, doctor...It is relatively simple matter for a weathered charlatan like myself to put up with so small a carnival as this..." -- Friedrich Nietzsche (post-sanity) ...and here I thought there would be nothing at this party besides the cool, incandescent judgements of a… Continue reading “You ain’t no Howard Hughes…”