Lawrence Welk (photo credit: unknown) Normal? That's funny. Um. Who did most of the talking? The patient? Or the licensed well-dressed sociopath taking notes? (Jokes.) First, you have to realize “normal” is a state of mind, a figment of our dysfunctional imagination, a tumor that never goes away and spends a lifetime…just sitting there…atop and… Continue reading Q: “Is it normal to be exhausted after a therapy session with your clinical psychologist if you have a mental illness?”
From the very bottom of your loathsome megalomania to the very top of my spun-shot alphabet and holy rolling grace... I throw y'all some stupid greetings from LIPSTICK CITY and all points in between Cause even the dead wanna be counted (on) once in a while. Life isn't tragic -- lives are tragic -- thank… Continue reading HELL, IF YOU LIVED THERE YOU’D BE HOME BY NOW
"Can't You See (I'm Falling Apart)?" (2016), Oil pastels on paper Brian John Schaefer Let's put on our sad faces for this turn of events. A friend dropped this on me regarding the attached post. And then it was stricken from the LinkedIn news feed -- just like that. I think I may be marked for… Continue reading Something about Happy Birthday (“Unprofessional?”) + LinkedIn Tunes Out
I am something asunder, where the applause of a silent sing-along, is given its due time being stood up like a tomato plant, driven down straight, dead, and true. So as I mentioned earlier. I am different now. (IT WAS NOTHING SPECIAL) From here to here. And there. And some... somewhere, beneath the what, the… Continue reading Monday, on Line 4
THE JOBS I REMEMBER: BRIAN J. SCHAEFER (THROUGH 47 YEARS, 8 MONTHS AND CHANGE) CLICK for CLASSIFIED MATERIAL - NO RECRUITERS OR LAW ENFORCEMENT SO IT'S BEEN six months since leaving the Associated Press and for the first time in a while -- despite my ultimate goal of being an independent professional a year… Continue reading CONFIDENTIAL: “The Jobs I Remember” (Or: My Real Resume)
Minus the dashes. I read two answers that rhymed with"Google co-founder" and who-the-hell-cares. Sorry, kids. My distrust of you and your lack of anything interesting going on upstairs has become a full-blown phobia. So I wrote this. Because it works. And it's never a situation you expect to be in. But one day you just might… Continue reading Quora (or: Why I Need to Pull the Plug on “Life Hacks,” relationship advice to those without girlfriends, and explaining why Raskilnikov was a Hero)
"And so be it, We are not there, but here."
OK. It’s 1998. I had just moved to LA. My brother is living in a room no bigger than a jail cell for two. In the span of a month I had lost all faith in everything I was doing but the hell if I was going to leave and not watch it all crash like… Continue reading The Time I Saw A Ghost
Because I can change it, no problem. Godaddy is just teeming with crackerjack web development and slideshow programming. Just a snip there. A tuck there. Some superglue here. And hey, hey...Let's announce something... ON JANUARY 1st, 2017, THE WORLD WILL NOT KNOW WHAT HAS HIT THEM AND WHEN I SAY "HIT THEM" I MEAN "HIT… Continue reading Do I Look Like I’m (still) in Jail?