Minus the dashes. I read two answers that rhymed with"Google co-founder" and who-the-hell-cares. Sorry, kids. My distrust of you and your lack of anything interesting going on upstairs has become a full-blown phobia. So I wrote this. Because it works. And it's never a situation you expect to be in. But one day you just might… Continue reading Quora (or: Why I Need to Pull the Plug on “Life Hacks,” relationship advice to those without girlfriends, and explaining why Raskilnikov was a Hero)
"And so be it, We are not there, but here."
OK. It’s 1998. I had just moved to LA. My brother is living in a room no bigger than a jail cell for two. In the span of a month I had lost all faith in everything I was doing but the hell if I was going to leave and not watch it all crash like… Continue reading The Time I Saw A Ghost
Because I can change it, no problem. Godaddy is just teeming with crackerjack web development and slideshow programming. Just a snip there. A tuck there. Some superglue here. And hey, hey...Let's announce something... ON JANUARY 1st, 2017, THE WORLD WILL NOT KNOW WHAT HAS HIT THEM AND WHEN I SAY "HIT THEM" I MEAN "HIT… Continue reading Do I Look Like I’m (still) in Jail?
Because you don't just choose to become a writer. It's not an open job fair on your college quad. It certainly isn't the Top-10 list-making genre used by respected and no-longer-respected media outlets alike. And it sure as hell isn't because Auntie Yum Yum thought you wrote the prettiest, most emotionally scarred adolescent vampiric prose she had… Continue reading Writing and Why You Shouldn’t Bother
-- Brian John Schaefer (circa 1985) Twin Peaks 1.4 I suppose it was the moment I read that the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire had a journalism department worth scooping home about. That sounds about right. I needed some internal rationalization of why I chose this particular branch of the venerable state-strong UW system. Eau… Continue reading Eau Claire, Wisconsin
"And the Vikings are like the old girlfriend who calls you once a year, gets your head spinning no matter whose bed your hat is on, and will leave you speechless in an instant later...after you've followed her every move, and gleefully watched her set you up a'la Peppermint Patty, smiling sinister the entire time. "
You could throw in the three major forms of rocks in there as well. Igneous, magma, and sedimentary. Gases, I suppose. And space. But everything else? Fake. Fraudulent. Man-made. Artifice. And the world's artists? Are in on the joke. So, good morning, to no one in particular. Check out some of my artificial… Continue reading Everything not living is Art
post-apocalyptic-optimists: the manifesto "I assure you, doctor...It is relatively simple matter for a weathered charlatan like myself to put up with so small a carnival as this..." -- Friedrich Nietzsche (post-sanity) ...and here I thought there would be nothing at this party besides the cool, incandescent judgements of a… Continue reading “You ain’t no Howard Hughes…”